WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
SEXUAL CONTENT BELOW, SO, READERS' DISCRETION IS ADVISED
IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS DEVELOPMENT, PLEASE KINDLY SKIP THIS CHAPTER
CHAPTER FOURTY SEVEN
Trauma
Butt-naked, I breathe heavily as I stare at the ceiling in our penthouse room after another gravity defying sex. Kylian pulled me closer to himself as we both came down from our high. I readjusted myself, resting my head on his arm as I continued to staring into the ceiling
In the last three days, since I chased Frances away, all Kylian and I ever do is sleep, wake up, eat and have some steaming sex. I listened as his heart beat slowly came to normal sinus and then there was silence, a deafening silence. Even If I am this guy’s sex buddy, sex can’t be the only thing we do.
I need to fill the silence
Don’t go here, just enjoy yourself and take things slowly
“What are you scared of?” I asked, ignoring my nosy inner self
If you want to talk with him, ask him his best colour, best food, best game, this direction you are going is not exactly fit for small talk
“What?” Kylian questioned and judging from the tone in his voice, he was not expecting it
You think! You were supposed to use a hoe instead you brought out a bulldozer
I turned myself on the bed as I looked straight into his eyes
“What are you afraid of, Kylian Mbappe?” I pressed
“What am I afraid of?” He repeated the question again and I nodded
There was silence, no response, he was just looking at me like a dumb bell. Maybe, my inner voice was right, I brought out a bulldozer for a hoe’s job. Asking him to tell me what he is afraid is like asking him to tell me his weakness and I don’t think we are that close yet
Finally, you are listening
Maybe I should share something first
Wait, what?
Make myself vulnerable, then he feels safe to share something like that with me
No, no, that was not what I said, you totally missed my point. Don’t force things, Rome was not built in a day
“Death, I am scared of death” I blurted
“What?”
“More than my own death, I am scared of losing my loved ones”
He looked at me in surprise
“Excuse me… How are you more scared of people dying than you dying?”
I smiled
“Of course, I am scared of dying. It can be pretty scary”
“Then why…” he traced off
I sat my naked body upright
“My dad has a younger brother, I think the correct verb here is had”
“Your uncle?”
Don’t do this, talk about something less painful
“Yes” I closed my eyes and let out a heavy sigh as I opened the gate to the memories I buried deep in my soul “You know Nigerian parents needs to stop the habit of being strict with the first born and handling the last born with levity”
He sat upright too
“Why do you say that?”
“According to the stories, my grandma was strict with my dad and should I say, lenient with my uncle”
I closed my eyes in anguish as a pool of thick blood flashed through my eyes
“Hey!” Kylian exclaimed as he pulled me to himself “Are you okay, what happened”
“I don’t blame my grandma for what happened to my uncle, it is like a habit in Nigerian parents, be strict with the first born and pamper the last. My parent were and are still like that. The dad laughed off the love letter my sister wrote to a boy and punished me severely for been friends with a boy”
Why are you talking about Femi, do you think he will really believe that you and Femi were just friends
“The boy and I were really just friends, there was nothing between the guy and I, please believe me”
“Of course, I believe you, you married me a virgin’’ Kylian uttered. An unknown warmth just spread through me when he said that
“And who cares if you were sleeping with your friend, having sex is pretty normal. I had my first sex at 15. So, it is no big deal”
Okay, too much information
Well, you wanted to know him
“What happened to your uncle” he directed me back to the original conversation
“He got involved with the wrong crowd pretty young, drugs, girls, petty theft, he never really achieve anything for himself. Then, he got diabetes after my grandma died and my dad took charge of him. He treated a 35 year old like a 5 year old, he made sure he had no money to encourage his lifestyle but somehow my uncle always found money to fund his lifestyle”
I took on a deep breath
“Then on the 15th of August, 2012, just a regular day. I was 17 years old, awaiting admission, our last born, was going to be 10 in a few weeks, my mom was preparing for her party. That day, my mom tookmy sisters out, I….”
“You were left at home, why?”
“I wanted to stay at home, I didn’t really enjoy going out much then and I still don’t, now. My mom went my sisters in her car and my dad left in his about a minute later. I was about to enter into the bathroom that day when I remembered my dad’s instruction to lock the gate. So, I went out to do so when I heard my uncle call for me, Bewaji, Bewaji, on looking back, there he was….”
“Hey” Kylian held upto me “You shaking”
“There was blood everywhere, Kylian” Tears dropped from my eyes “He was coughing out blood”
“Do you want to stop?”
“He gave me his phone to call my dad, I did… I called my dad but his number was busy, called my mom, she was not picking up. I ran out of the house and went to the neighbour’s house to call for help, no one was home. There was no emergency line to call, there is no 911 in Nigeria. I ran back home to him and he was lying in his own pool of blood. There was nothing I could do but to keep calling my parent, eventually, my mom picked and came back to rush him to the hospital”
I was whimpering at this point
“Deep down, I knew he was dead before my mom came back but I was hoping for a miracle. When I called my mom twenty minutes later, she said they were carrying him back to our village to be buried”
Kylian hugged me to himself
“I am so sorry”
Few minutes later, he let me go
“I am so sorry you went through that”
“I couldn't sleep that night, or the next night, or the next, all I could see was his pool of blood, even as I washed his blood away”
“You did that yourself yesterday”
“Who would, my sisters and I handled it”
“Did you see someone, receive counselling?”
“Counselling?”
“What you experienced was traumatic, you were a child”
“That is Nigerian parents for you, they expect you to handle anything yourself, especially if you are the first born. You handle very bullshit you experience yourself and I did. After the mourning period, I told my mom I wanted to learn computer”
“Learn computer?” Kylian sounded confused
“How to use a computer, it is something in Nigeria. It got me out of the house, I could think of other things and I also met other people. So, it helped. So, yes, I am scared of losing my loved ones because it makes me sad and when I am sad, getting out of that state is a war for me. When one Nigerian musician died, I didn’t know him, I don’t even listen to his songs but I pitied him, he died so young and he was my age mate. Unknowingly, I became sad and it took me five months before I was back to myself”
I cleaned the tears in my eyes away and looked at him
“If I can be like that for someone I didn’t know, how would it when it is my loved ones, my parents, God forbid my siblings, you?”
He pulled me closer to him and kissed me hard on the lips. He used his tongue to nudge my lips and I opened up to him. I savour the warm feeling of his tongue in my mouth as it moved over mine. The kiss was everything, comforting, soul healing, nerve wrecking
You just kissed your husband
He slowly pulls away and looks at me
“Everytime, I step on the field, there is always the chances of me limping out or carried out on a stretcher either with serious injury or worst, death but the hell am I going to let that stop me from doing what I want to do. Everyday we leave our house, there is always the possibility of not coming back home”
He holds my faces and caressed it gently
“You can’t live your life, fearing the unknown. Just take it as it comes and enjoy your life to the fullest because you have only one. When we leave here, I am going to need you to see someone”
“What? I am fine”
“You are not fine, you were sad for someone you didn’t know for five months”
“Yeah, I pitied him, he was my agemate”
“When your grand uncle died recently, how long were you cooped up in your room?”
“Cooped up in my room, I am not depressed if that is what you are thinking. There is this unpleasant feeling in.. in.. my heart.. like, like a ball in my chest that suffocates me and tries to swallow me alive”
“You were not sad because of the musician, maybe you felt sad for him for a day, two days, but five months for someone you don’t know is not possible. Something else compounded your sadness and that had nothing to do with the musician but you. So, I will like you to see someone when we leave here”
He is right, your fear of losing your parent, your directionless life, your poverty were the reason for your sadness, tell him you will see someone
“Fine, I will see someone”
“Thank you” He nodded with a smile
He kissed me
Yes, he did
“You kissed me” I let out unconsciously
“Should I not?” he questioned me
“I have tried but you never let me”
“Just see the Kylian that was with you last year as an idiot because your lips is best in the world and I will love to continue kissing it for the rest of my life, if you will let me”
“So cheesy” I cringed
“Oh really!” then he came closer and placed his lips on mine. I opened up instantly a flower waiting to be pollinated
You moron, you just opened up on a painful experience just to get him to talk and he didn’t, tell you anything, are you that horny?
I pulled him back
“You didn’t tell me what you are afraid of”
“Cold, I am afraid of the cold”
What?
“What? Are you kidding me, yo…” I was cut off when he kissed my lips and entered me for the….
What time again?
Idiot!
TO BE CONTINUED NEXT SATURDAY 9.00 PM WAT
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