CHAPTER NINETY-THREE
Fix her!
One of the gifts God gave me as a human is to know when to be ashamed, and as I watched Marcus prepare to go for training, as he does every morning, I couldn't help but be repulsed by my behaviour the other night. This man has been nothing but a friend to me, and I transferred my aggression toward my husband to him. He didn’t deserve that.
Marcus moved around the room with the efficiency of someone who had repeated the same routine thousands of times. He was halfway through his preparation, I watched him brush his hair. Once finished, he picked up his watch, fastened it around his wrist and sprayed on a little cologne. Everything about him was so organised and methodical.
“Can I help you with something?” Marcus said aloud.
I let out a sigh and entered his bedroom.
“Hey!” I greeted.
“Hey!” he replied and turned back to what he was doing. I stared at him as he put on his socks, then his sneakers, finding it difficult to find the words.
“Whatever you came to say, just get it out, Bewaji. I don…”
“I am sorry,” I blurted out. He stopped tying his laces and slowly lifted his head to look at me.
“For my manners yesterday. You were just trying to help me.”
“I totally was,” he said with a nod.
“You didn’t deserve the way I treated you.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“I am sorry,” I apologized sincerely. He gazed at me for a few seconds before looking down and finished tying his sneaker. Then he rose to his feet and moved a few steps closer to me by the door.
“Thank you for that,” he sighed heavily. “And as far as apologies go, I owe you one too.” I scrunched up my face and racked my brain for what he did wrong, but I came up empty.
“I know how much you love your husband, and for you to come to the conclusion to divorce him, that was not a decision you took lightly.” I looked away from him as I felt a pang in my chest, realizing that my future journey was still going to be rough.
“And after everything you have been through, I shouldn’t have pushed you when you said you didn’t want to talk about it.”
I nodded with a pale face. I didn't get to be let off the hook just because I lost a child.
“Thank you, but that doesn’t give me the right to speak to you that way under your roof. Please, forgive me.”
He gave me a smile. “You are forgiven.”
“Thank you.” I felt the nerves in my shoulders release. God! I don’t deserve this man as a friend.
“How do you feel?” he picked up his training bag. I shrugged.
“Yesterday was hell for you, I know, but you need to continue to see Dr. Berot. If you don’t want to see her, we will find someone else, but considering the progress you made with her yesterday, I think she will be good for you,” he suggested softly.
“Okay,” I said, and he furrowed his brow.
“Okay to what?”
“Therapy, with Dr. Berot.” For a second, he simply stared at me.
“Are you for real?” His eyes widened in disbelief, as though he was waiting for me to tell him I was joking but I nodded.
“Oh my God!” he breathed, the words escaping him more than anything else. A smile slowly spread across his face as he let out a quiet laugh. “I thought I was still going to give you some space to think about it and give you another speech. I didn’t expect you to give in so easily.”
“Thank you.”
I frowned “Why are you telling me thank you? It is for my well-being, as you always say.” But he smiled warmly.
“I know, but still, thank you." Then he glanced at the time on his watch. "I am late, but I promise to call her office to book an appointment with her the moment I get to the training ground.” He walked past me to the door.
“I was hoping to see her today,” I retorted, and he turned back to me swiftly at the door.
“Today?”
“This morning, in an hour preferably,” I tattered on. His eyebrows shot up.
“You are serious.”
“Of course, I am serious,” I interjected my arms “You have been asking me, more like hounding me, to get help, and now that I am, it is a problem for you.”
“It is not a problem. I have training right now. I missed yesterday’s to be with you. I can’t miss another,” he explained.
Again, I don’t deserve this man as a friend.
“You don’t have to miss training. You can just drop me off here and come back to pick me up in the evening, or better still, I can come back here myself. I am an adult. I can take care of myself.”
He watched me intensely for a long moment
“Alright, I will drop you off, but you have to call me the moment you are done.”
“I said I am capable of taking care of myself,” I complained. “I don’t need…”
“No!” he relied firmly. His voice wasn't loud, but it stopped me just the same. “You are not capable of taking care of yourself.”
“Marc…”
“A few days ago, I left you in my house, and you were lost in your head for 12 hours. Twelve hours, Bewaji, without moving. What if you get triggered—and God knows, you get triggered by anything—and it happens again? What are you going to do?”
“I... I...” I shuddered as I tried to find my words. “That is why I am going to therapy.”
“Therapy is not a quick fix. It takes time. So when you are done, you call me, and I will get myself out of whatever I am doing.”
I paced a little, unwilling to accept his decision.
“I can always call Joy to come stay with you.”
“No!” I exclaimed, and he smiled.
Fuck! He tricked me.
“I saw what you did there.”
“Then I guess we are on the same page. You call me the moment you are done.”
“Fine,” I agreed begrudgingly and walked past him.
“I feel incomplete,” The words escaped my lips the moment I stepped into Dr. Berot's office. She looked up from the notepad resting on her lap, her expression softening when she saw me.
“Hello, Ms. Bendel,” she greeted, but I barely heard her. The room suddenly felt too small. I couldn't sit still. Instead, I paced slowly in front of her desk, wrapping my arms around myself as though I could somehow stop the emptiness spreading through my chest.
“There is a voice in my head." I said in a low voice She was my twin sister. Now she is gone.”A shaky breath escaped me before I shook my head.
“Actually, she is not gone, but I think she is broken. I think I broke her.” I shook my head. “She is getting punished for my wrongdoing. I killed my baby, and she is the one who is broken.”
For the first time since walking into the office, I stopped pacing.
I looked straight at Dr. Berot, silently begging that, just this once, someone would tell me what I needed to hear. Please...
Please let there be a way.
“Can you fix her?”
TO BE CONTINUED ON NEXT SATURDAY, 9.00PM WAT.
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