I am in love, I am in love with a PSG Player…. But the problem here is that I am no longer in love with a PSG player.
Hello guys, I know it
has been a while since my last update, I am sorry but it is just that there has been a lot of life changing situation but I am not here to talk about them.
Before I continue, I will like to say Happy New year… yeah, I know. We are practically at the middle of the year but bear with me. Like I said earlier, there has been a lot of life changing situation, for example, falling out of love for my PSG Player
Do you guys remember
the guy I told you I met at the bar, the one with the wack jokes, the one I
told you is just a friend.
Well, he is no longer
just a friend because I am seriously falling in love with him.
Was I never in love
with my PSG player, was I infatuated with him thinking it was love? Was it his
popularity I was attracted to or was it love and the fact that I am continents
away from him, diminished my love for him? I don’t know the answer to any of
them but what I know for certain is that what I feel for him is not the same
anymore.
My guy with the wack
joke is not in love with me…. When a guy is in love with you, you just know it
and this one does not see me has anything other than a friend who disturbs the fucking
hell out of him with phone calls and Whatapp messages
God, I hate falling in
love…. I hate it because I fall in love with guys that don’t want me
One of the reasons why
I enjoyed my undergraduate days was because I never fell in love. I really miss
that girl
For five years, she was
a loner whose favourite place was her bed where she spent hours mooning over
Klaus Michealson and Caroline and watching how Guem Jan di fell in love with Gu
Jun Pyo. She was a movie addict who prefer staying on her bed and watching
movies till 4am in morning and will rise up again at 6am for class. When her classes
are over around 4, 5pm in the evening, she races back to the hostel so that she
can catch the best seat to watch the next episode of Married Again in
the common room
Those were her routine
every day and I fucking miss that life. I know you think it is pathetic but
what can I say, I miss it.
I also know you are wondering
how I managed to pass but I passed with honours…. That is probably due to Mama
B’s prayers though.
But that life is gone
because there is time for everything in life. Life has gotten me out of my bed,
it made me look into my surrounding, forced me to interact with people, got me
to see that life in movie is not exactly the same with reality, made me notice
guys I want and pushed me to fall in love with them though they won’t look at
me twice
Being in love with a
man that does not love you sucks and I know I gave a big speech of how easy it
is to make a man fall in love with you and the garbage of how fun the chase is
But that is just a bunch of bullshit
How I wish the
chase was fun
Yeah, I get the job
done most of the time but through self-humiliation, damaged self-esteem, total
waste of time, energy and money.
Like I said, I get the
job done and they notice me, they see me, they also fall in love too and some
even love me more than I fucking love them but the chase is hard and I am
not doing that with my guy with wack jokes
I am going to take a
page out of my sister’s playbook and tell him how I feel about him. I have
never done that before… I just chase them till they notice me
And when I do tell him
and I am going to make it look like his response does not mean anything to me….
because it fucking does. Him telling me “Okay I think I am falling in love you
too, let date” or “I don’t love you yet but I want to” means the absolute
fucking world to me. but I am scared of him rejecting me or looking at me with
pity.
Shit!
Fuck!
Shit fuckily fuck!
I fucking hate falling
in love
I am going to tell him
how I feel, walk out on him and then delete his contact because I know my hands
will be tempted to call him the very next hour just to hear his voice
“Why not just hear what
he has to say?” I know you are saying that but he does not love me and the only
thing he is going to do when I tell him about my feelings is just look at me in
surprise with his mouth opened. There will silence of course because he has
nothing to say at first…
he looks everywhere but
me, then awkwardness sets in and finally he tells me “Blackie, I am sorry but I
am seeing someone” or ”Blackie, I am sorry but I don’t see you that way” or maybe
even the most absurd excuse “Blackie, I will love to date you but I have
Covid-19 ”
So, I am just going to
tell him how I feel, walked out on him without giving him a chance to say
something and finally delete his contact and our chats, then move on with my
life, hoping I finally fall in love with a man that loves me first
Wish me luck...
I am in love, I am in love with a PSG Player…. Oh! I am no longer in love with a PSG Player anymore.
But I am still his fan and I will always love him as one.
Also late, I want to welcome Achraf Hakimi to PSG, your wife is pretty. she has the kind of boobs I beg God for
And yes, I called him my love because he will always be
So,
I am in love, I am in
love with a PSG Player and this is me just thinking out loud
Blackie
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